fifteen minutes ten days trying to figure out how to start writing on the topic of identity. The reason? I have no idea who I am. Seriously, I don’t. I could write pages and pages on who I am in relation to others but when I have to write about who I am in a vacuum, things get serious. I’m not ready to be THAT serious.
In between trying to figure out who I am, hating the fact that I owe the IRS $600, despising the fact that my parents owe me $5000 (and telling me they don’t plan on paying me back) and wanting a shoulder to lean on, I decided to give Geek to Geek another shot. I mean after meeting three guys, the last one, Zach, being much more of what I wanted, maybe I’m on the right track? Or I just need to get laid.
So I reactivated my account and started rewriting my biography. It was a panic-inducing mess. Again, I have to tell people, the opposite sex no less, who I am. I have to sell myself, making someone think, “that chick sounds cool, let me go talk to her!” Figuring out who I am is shitty and now I have to sell it? Lordy. Thankfully I have a great friend, Christopher, who took the time to edit my biography. He didn’t like the order that I put my stuff as I sounded WAY too serious and unapproachable. He didn’t change a lot of it just switched the order on what would best “sell” me. Sounds horrible I know but that’s how it works with online dating. I appreciate the time he took to help me get laid. I think he became my online wing-man.
- I put my education at the beginning of my profile because it is incredibly important to me. Do degrees really
terrifyintimidate people, especially men? I’m too serious because I have a Masters? Christopher changed it to this and added my degrees later: I’m currently learning Russian so I can apply to a PhD history program. I have these crazy goals of getting my PhD and applying to the FBI academy. Great dates consist of movies, pizza, and beer.
- I talk about my wants in regards to animals. To me just reading what I wrote makes me question how people will perceive me; it kind of terrifies me. Am I too childish? Selfish? Would men see me as Elmyra Duff? Or a member of PETA? What if guys don’t like me because I like animals? My sister married a non-animal lover and they argue over pets every time I see them. What if this happens to me as well? *panic overdrive*
I want a kitten, especially a chartreux one named Logan or Tiberius but I’m allergic.WAIT!!! I don’t want a cat. Sure kittens are cute but I don’t like cats. Why would I admit to “wanting one” when I don’t! I have a dog named Mr. Wilbur Porkchop. He is a cute little mutt (Chihuahua/Parson Russell Terrier), who currently lives with my brother in Arizona. Long story, but I do miss him. He stays with me during the summer because Arizona is too hot for him.
- Traveling to me is so important. Almost as much as my degrees. One of the things that I loved about both Kevin and Zach is that they have traveled. It attracted me to them and I saw them as incredibly sexy. I can admit that when I look for a “potential” boyfriend I look at their passport. My giddiness levels were so high when I found out that Zach had gone to Istanbul. In his own words, “I swear my head almost exploded when I walked in the Hagia Sophia for the first time.” And I felt the same thing! I’m starting to think that I want a traveling partner that I can have sex with (sorry Susan) more than I want a boyfriend/husband. I want to travel to Thailand and ride an elephant or just explore the United States! I want to move back to England where my love of cider can flourish and work at the Natural History Museum of London. A girl can certainly dream!
- Finally my accomplishments! Wow, I only wrote one sentence and focused more on what I do on my job. I know my job isn’t who I am BUT I put so much emphasis. Hmmm… I’m not to happy about that. And wait, should I admit that I
kind ofdon’t want to get married? This is one of those questions along with having babies that I worry about my honesty. Should I be honest about this? Is it wrong to date guys who do want the marriage and babies things? I can’t have babies. I can give love but not if I have to sign a paper. Or maybe I would marry someone who I loved and loved me back. Christopher says I over-share and over-think things. This might beis true. I have a BA in Russian History and an MA in Museum Studies. I currently work in a museum as the Education Manager. This means I plan family events/programs, I teach, I train docents on tours; I create lots of field guides for families and schools to use. I developed the summer camps for kids. Frankly, I work too many hours. The likelihood of me getting married is slim compared to me getting a PhD. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t get married; it’s just at the bottom of my to-do list.
- Then came the things that I love. Am I really materialistic? I didn’t mention my family at all. I am trying to separate my identity from them. My nerdy side came out with highlighters and post-its. Hah! Hmmm, I talk a lot about the things that I like doing on my own. I’m not sure of what it is I like or would want to do with a boyfriend other than travel. I don’t want to play Warcraft with him. Is it sad to say that I’m pretty much doing so many things that I don’t need a boyfriend as much as I want someone to cuddle, relax, have sex, and with? But I also like cuddling and giving oral. Christopher asked me, “what can you offer him and what should he offer you?” I
am inlove with the following: post-its, highlighters, piercing, breasts, chicken, traveling, tattoos, World of Warcraft, Coke, Starbucks, camping, ghost stories, sleeping and pot-stickers.
- Why is it easier to state what I hate? I can make a whole list of shit I don’t like but while making it I could become incredibly negative and I don’t like being an apathetic Angie. I used to joke about “zero fucks giving” but I give a lot of fucks. Too many actually. But what I hate is promises that aren’t kept, feelings that aren’t shared. Example, I really wish I would have told Zach how I felt about him. Now I kind of regret not telling him. I don’t think it would have changed anything. But still. I hate Brussels sprouts, rap, airheads, attention seekers.
- I like to tell people in advance what I’m afraid of. #1 thing I am afraid of being ordinary. But I can’t add that to a dating site! Even if it is geek to geek. But it’s a good idea to tell people early on that I am not on board with the zombie loving. I’m not the kind of girl you have a zombie movie marathon with. No sorry, it just isn’t going to happen. Quite the opposite. I become an opossum. I freak out over zombies and spiders on my head.
- I think it’s important to state your beliefs. Mine is not intertwined with any set religions. I try and have faith in humanity. I want to believe that people will try and hep out other people, animals, and nature because they want to not because they have to. I believe in communes, nudity, music is life, and karma.
- Lastly, I was raised Catholic in a Mexican household. I celebrate a lot of festivals knowing they are rooted in “paganism.” I am a closeted superstitious woman. I’ll someday baptize the children that I cannot have just because maybe what if it is true about limbo and the last sin? Just maybe… I am culturally Catholic not religious Catholic. This means I do not go to church but if there is an interesting book or TV show about Christianity I will certainly watch it.
So who am I? I’m a strong-willed and determined female who values educations and traveling and has faith in human creation and is allergic to cats. I want someone to share in my travels and allow me to be vulnerable with but I don’t need someone.