I’ve spent fifteen minutes ten days trying to figure out how to start writing on the topic of identity. The reason? I have no idea who I am. Seriously, I don’t. I could write pages and pages on who I am in relation to others but when I have to write about who I am in a vacuum, things get serious. I’m not ready to be THAT serious.

In between trying to figure out who I am, hating the fact that I owe the IRS $600, despising the fact that my parents owe me $5000 (and telling me they don’t plan on paying me back) and wanting a shoulder to lean on, I decided to give Geek to Geek another shot. I mean after meeting three guys, the last one, Zach, being much more of what I wanted, maybe I’m on the right track? Or I just need to get laid.

So I reactivated my account and started rewriting my biography. It was a panic-inducing mess. Again, I have to tell people, the opposite sex no less, who I am. I have to sell myself, making someone think, “that chick sounds cool, let me go talk to her!” Figuring out who I am is shitty and now I have to sell it? Lordy. Thankfully I have a great friend, Christopher, who took the time to edit my biography. He didn’t like the order that I put my stuff as I sounded WAY too serious and unapproachable. He didn’t change a lot of it just switched the order on what would best “sell” me. Sounds horrible I know but that’s how it works with online dating. I appreciate the time he took to help me get laid. I think he became my online wing-man.

  1. I put my education at the beginning of my profile because it is incredibly important to me. Do degrees really terrify intimidate people, especially men? I’m too serious because I have a Masters? Christopher changed it to this and added my degrees later: I’m currently learning Russian so I can apply to a PhD history program. I have these crazy goals of getting my PhD and applying to the FBI academy. Great dates consist of movies, pizza, and beer.
  2. I talk about my wants in regards to animals. To me just reading what I wrote makes me question how people will perceive me; it kind of terrifies me. Am I too childish? Selfish? Would men see me as Elmyra Duff?  Or a member of PETA? What if guys don’t like me because I like animals? My sister married a non-animal lover and they argue over pets every time I see them. What if this happens to me as well? *panic overdrive* I want a kitten, especially a chartreux one named Logan or Tiberius but I’m allergic. WAIT!!! I don’t want a cat. Sure kittens are cute but I don’t like cats. Why would I admit to “wanting one” when I don’t!  I have a dog named Mr. Wilbur Porkchop. He is a cute little mutt (Chihuahua/Parson Russell Terrier), who currently lives with my brother in Arizona. Long story, but I do miss him. He stays with me during the summer because Arizona is too hot for him.
  3. Traveling to me is so important. Almost as much as my degrees. One of the things that I loved about both Kevin and Zach is that they have traveled. It attracted me to them and I saw them as incredibly sexy. I can admit that when I look for a “potential” boyfriend I look at their passport. My giddiness levels were so high when I found out that  Zach had gone to Istanbul. In his own words, “I swear my head almost exploded when I walked in the Hagia Sophia for the first time.” And I felt the same thing! I’m starting to think that I want a traveling partner that I can have sex with (sorry Susan) more than I want a boyfriend/husband. I want to travel to Thailand and ride an elephant or just explore the United States! I want to move back to England where my love of cider can flourish and work at the Natural History Museum of London. A girl can certainly dream!
  4. Finally my accomplishments! Wow, I only wrote one sentence and focused more on what I do on my job. I know my job isn’t who I am BUT I put so much emphasis. Hmmm… I’m not to happy about that. And wait, should I admit that I kind of don’t want to get married? This is one of those questions along with having babies that I worry about my honesty. Should I be honest about this? Is it wrong to date guys who do want the marriage and babies things? I can’t have babies. I can give love but not if I have to sign a paper. Or maybe I would marry someone who I loved and loved me back. Christopher says I over-share and over-think things. This might be is true.  I have a BA in Russian History and an MA in Museum Studies. I currently work in a museum as the Education Manager. This means I plan family events/programs, I teach, I train docents on tours; I create lots of field guides for families and schools to use. I developed the summer camps for kids. Frankly, I work too many hours. The likelihood of me getting married is slim compared to me getting a PhD. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t get married; it’s just at the bottom of my to-do list.
  5. Then came the things that I love. Am I really materialistic? I didn’t mention my family at all. I am trying to separate my identity from them. My nerdy side came out with highlighters and post-its. Hah! Hmmm, I talk a lot about the things that I like doing on my own. I’m not sure of what it is I like or would want to do with a boyfriend other than travel. I don’t want to play Warcraft with him. Is it sad to say that I’m pretty much doing so many things that I don’t need a boyfriend as much as I want someone to cuddle, relax, have sex, and with? But I also like cuddling and giving oral. Christopher asked me, “what can you offer him and what should he offer you?” I am in love with the following: post-its, highlighters, piercing, breasts, chicken, traveling, tattoos, World of Warcraft, Coke, Starbucks, camping, ghost stories, sleeping and pot-stickers.
  6. Why is it easier to state what I hate? I can make a whole list of shit I don’t like but while making it I could become incredibly negative and I don’t like being an apathetic Angie. I used to joke about “zero fucks giving” but I give a lot of fucks. Too many actually. But what I hate is promises that aren’t kept, feelings that aren’t shared. Example, I really wish I would have told Zach how I felt about him. Now I kind of regret not telling him. I don’t think it would have changed anything. But still.  I hate Brussels sprouts, rap, airheads, attention seekers.
  7. I like to tell people in advance what I’m afraid of. #1 thing I am afraid of being ordinary. But I can’t add that to a dating site! Even if it is geek to geek. But it’s a good idea to tell people early on that I am not on board with the zombie loving. I’m not the kind of girl you have a zombie movie marathon with. No sorry, it just isn’t going to happen. Quite the opposite. I become an opossum. I freak out over zombies and spiders on my head.
  8. I think it’s important to state your beliefs. Mine is not intertwined with any set religions. I try and have faith in humanity. I want to believe that people will try and hep out other people, animals, and nature because they want to not because they have to. I believe in communes, nudity, music is life, and karma.
  9. Lastly, I was raised Catholic in a Mexican household. I celebrate a lot of festivals knowing they are rooted in “paganism.” I am a closeted superstitious woman. I’ll someday baptize the children that I cannot have just because maybe what if it is true about limbo and the last sin? Just maybe… I am culturally Catholic not religious Catholic. This means I do not go to church but if there is an interesting book or TV show about Christianity I will certainly watch it.

So who am I? I’m a strong-willed and determined female who values educations and traveling and has faith in human creation and is allergic to cats. I want someone to share in my travels and allow me to be vulnerable with but I don’t need someone.